Women's Reality by Anne Wilson Schaef

Author:Anne Wilson Schaef [Schaef, Anne Wilson]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Women's Studies, Gender Studies, Religion, Biblical Studies, Bible Study Guides, Feminism & Feminist Theory
ISBN: 9780062303981
Google: U6EklCiDVgwC
Publisher: Harper Collins
Published: 2013-06-04T03:34:56+00:00

Giving Red Rage the Green Light

In my work with women, I have discovered that many of us possess a common fantasy about our rage. When asked to imagine and visualize our rage and its outcome, we frequently picture a lifeless wasteland. There is no living thing; no people, animals, or plants. There is only a wisp of smoke here and there. Everything has been destroyed!

Although we seldom admit it, women firmly believe that our rage is fully as dangerous as an atomic bomb. We are convinced that if we dare to express it or let it out we will destroy everything around us and be left completely alone.

After all, what happens when a woman gets angry? Men avoid or abandon her. Other women pull away because their own unresolved rage is suddenly alerted. She is left alone.

Women are told from childhood that their rage is inappropriate. It is not “nice” to get angry or violent. It is not “ladylike.” I have come to realize that it is never inappropriate to get angry about being labeled innately inferior. In fact, I now believe that it is a sign of good health! Angry or depressed women are much easier to work with in therapy than those who are numb.

Although women’s anger in itself is never inappropriate, it is almost always inappropriate to the situation. I have developed a metaphor that has proven useful. At birth (or maybe even before), every female is given a large garbage compactor. We carefully carry our compactor around with us at all times. Whenever we are dismissed, put down, or discounted we throw a little more garbage into our compactor, but we never express our anger. We carefully tuck it away.

As soon as we get permission—or give ourselves permission—to start letting some of our anger out, we never express only the rage that is related to the situation. Instead, we dump our entire garbage compactor. We end up with a huge pile of accumulated rage—its size depends on how many years we have spent in this culture—and are immediately confronted with how inappropriate it is.

Of course it is inappropriate (at least in light of the situation)! It is not inappropriate to a lifetime of growing up female in a White Male System, however. Still, we withdraw in the face of any accusation of this nature because we know that it has some validity. What women need, of course, are settings in which it is safe to clean out their garbage compactors and get help and support in sorting through their accumulated rage.

As long as I am talking about appropriateness, I would like to address the issue of what our culture does with emotions in general. We frequently hear that such-and-such an emotion is not logical, rational, reasonable, or appropriate. What is implied here is that the particular emotion is wrong or bad. “You have no reason to feel the way you do.” “Why do you let yourself get so upset?” “You’re not being reasonable!”

Who ever said that

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